oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
