you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
