Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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