i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
