Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She's JV to your varsity
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
