Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
