Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
