I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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