Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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