Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
