great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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