She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
