As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
