spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
