After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
