First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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