Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
