i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
