you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
