So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize