i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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