she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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