Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
