the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize