So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
