she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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