I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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