Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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