i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
