my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
