It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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