sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
