So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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