wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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