clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize