so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
