My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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