Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
