whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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