Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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