dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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