im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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