i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
