Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
