I feel great
I just peed on a car
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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