just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
