Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
