You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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