I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
