Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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