i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
