ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
