Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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