Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize