Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
