Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize