I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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