if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
