Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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