So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize