I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
