susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize