Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
