But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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