eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
