i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
