After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
