First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
