Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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