I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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