Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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