Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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