never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
