The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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