She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The air was thick with penises
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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