i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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