ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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