did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
