Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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