So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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