yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
