birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
