well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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