Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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