So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
