i just wanna soil my oats bro
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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