Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
