life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
