don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
