she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
