I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
