I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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