like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
