Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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