I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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