This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
