He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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