Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
