Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize