I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
