Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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