the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
