What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
