Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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