omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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