i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
