You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
