i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize