Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
