This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
