failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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