He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
