He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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