I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
