Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
handjob tips. give me some.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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