Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
