So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
